Monday, February 28, 2005

The struggle of the disease is becoming harder. Awareness sucks! Allen says I don't remember nearly half as much as he has to and it is just as hard on him. I am very angry at the disease right now, does that mean I am progressing more? We can see that I am, my memory is worse and our conversations grow shorter. It tears us both up, me because I can't stop what is happening and Allen because he has to watch what is happening. Had I of known this disease was ever going to be a part of my life, I told him that I never would have married him. It is so unfair how it destroys relationships and tears down a once strong, dependable and competent person to an almost stranger in their own home. I try to stay on the postive, but then there is also reality and it doesn't get any better.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Saturday, February 26, 2005

This week has been a LONG week! Been very busy or at least it seems. Allen is still checking out the job market, who went to look at another restaurant possibility this morning. Doesn't look they are going to get any kind of a severance package, in fact the union steward said the longer the doors hold open is probably their bonus. Never had understood unions and this one has done very little if anything for this group of workers here. But life goes on! I had a confusing doctors appointment this week, it was me that was confused and not the doctor. He was asking about my last women's exam and I explained it had been about 3 years and it was a bad experience as the doctor hummed amazing grace during my pap smear, very unprofessional. So, I really saw no need for another one. If there is anything there, i really don't care to know about it, somehow over the course of the conversation, I thought I agreed to a Mammogram which I have never had either and next thing I know he is calling his nurse in and my legs are being propped for a pap smear. It went much better this time minus the hymm. Then I knocked myself off of my own message board and had to pre-approve myself to be a member again! Not a good week. All kidding aside though, I feel like I have hit another plateau comprehension of conversations are really getting hard and my perception has gone out in the fields with the turkeys. It's a wolf, it's a giant rabbit..............no it's a deer with its tail tucked. My gosh, no wonder I'm so tired. On another note, we were asked to go to Jefferson City and speak before the House of Representatives for Memory Day. So, the chapter is going to pay our way to go up the night before and I am secheduled to speak at 9:00. I have a feeling if I don't get straigthened up here before long, they may get a speech about all kinds of things including the wildlife around here! Well, I need to get ready and go, we have a support group meeting this morning. Cherrio! as they say.............whatever that means.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Woke up to rain this morning or so I thought, by the time I got Austin to the bus the ground was white. Snow, rain and alittle ice, going to be a very dreary day. Allen is still waiting to hear from the job that he interviewed for. I told him not to be down if he didn't get it, I mean after all this is the FIRST job that he has applied for in 16 years! We are still tossing the restaurant idea just don't know where it is going to land yet. I have been recieving alot of support from my real DASNI friends and welcoming them to my new community. We may be going to St. Louis this weekend to deliver the rough draft of the children's book. The paintings are the original and if they got lost, I don't know that she could do them again. That sure is along drive in 1 day, 8 hours! I have learned alot from my dementia rescue community it is great to have a support system such as that. Well, I guess that is it for now.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Monday, February 21, 2005

It has been a rough couple of days emotionally. DASNI is now another chapter in my life. I have gone on to much better and safer things emotionally. Dementia Rescue is growing, 56 members now. I don't want it to get to big as I want each person to feel like they have a place and not just a number. However, I will welcome anyone that knocks at my door and offer the comfort and support that I can. Allen is hoping to hear back from his interview from last week.................he really, really wants this job. If it's meant to be it will. I went and had some lab work done this morning and I go to the doctor on Thursday. I got the rough draft of I Remember When. Linda the illustrator did such an awesome job! Allen is somewhat thinner and I have fuller lips like I have always wanted..............lol! Austin is as cute as ever! We have to meet with Chapter this week to get a briefing I guess about Washington D.C. I talked to my sis Linda yesterday, she always makes my days brighter. Well I need to go and figure out what to do for supper.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Saturday, February 19, 2005

It has been a very busy week! Allen had a job interview earlier this week for a supervisory position, it sounded proming, but won't know anything until next week. We went by and talked to the Business Manager at the Union Hall and they are trying to get the company to hold out as long as they can, looks like summer will be the end of it though. Everyone expects it to reopen at the end of the year as another factory. The whole purpose of all of this was to break the union. We are still tossing around the restaurant/bar thing around out East. I know I sure would like to leave here. But it up to the Good Lord now. Where he leads, we will follow. Allen is also being sent to have his back evaluated for possible disability. We just have alot on our plate right now and don't know which direction it will go. We went and had lunch with Judee, she is a good friend of our's that used to be apart of the Chapter. It is always good to see her. We went back and checked out the restaurant and found that it may have asbestos on the floor, so that may end that journey. The cost to clean it up would be so great!! Today, we go and meet with Linda Philipian and get the rough draft of I Remember When! I am so excited. I will need to make some adjustments. It is rainy out today so it will probably be a very dreary day. We are going to stop and get some movies and later Allen is going to help Austin with his pine wood derby car for scouts. Austin and I, go see our friend Linda in California in 29 days, not that anyone is counting, but we are looking forward to that. This will be Austin's first time to fly. Well, I need to go get some stuff done.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

It has been a very busy week! Allen had a job interview earlier this week for a supervisory position, it sounded proming, but won't know anything until next week. We went by and talked to the Business Manager at the Union Hall and they are trying to get the company to hold out as long as they can, looks like summer will be the end of it though. Everyone expects it to reopen at the end of the year as another factory. The whole purpose of all of this was to break the union. We are still tossing around the restaurant/bar thing around out East. I know I sure would like to leave here. But it up to the Good Lord now. Where he leads, we will follow. Allen is also being sent to have his back evaluated for possible disability. We just have alot on our plate right now and don't know which direction it will go. We went and had lunch with Judee, she is a good friend of our's that used to be apart of the Chapter. It is always good to see her. We went back and checked out the restaurant and found that it may have asbestos on the floor, so that may end that journey. The cost to clean it up would be so great!! Today, we go and meet with Linda Philipian and get the rough draft of I Remember When! I am so excited. I will need to make some adjustments. It is rainy out today so it will probably be a very dreary day. We are going to stop and get some movies and later Allen is going to help Austin with his pine wood derby car for scouts. Austin and I, go see our friend Linda in California in 29 days, not that anyone is counting, but we are looking forward to that. This will be Austin's first time to fly. Well, I need to go get some stuff done.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day! I posted a picture of the flowers Allen got for me. They are beautiful and smell so good! I don't take as good of pictures as I use to, my hands were alittle shaky. Yesterday was kind of a rough day, my mom called yesterday and she is still is the deepest state of denial that you can get. Me, I don't have a choice, I have to live this hellish nightmare everyday. I can't do it with them anymore, I can't play their games and lies. I hope and pray that our life will take a different turn with Allen's job and all. Austin is looking forward to the possibility of moving as well. We have a busy week ahead of this week, we each have doctor's appointments one day or the other and then Friday, we may go back to the restaurant again and get some pictures, Allen is working so hard on doing this proposal. I have been busy cleaning house today and just about have it all done. Dr. Quinn raised me to the highest dose of Exelon 12 mg a day, I am having alittle nausea nothing major. Well that is it for now.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Valentines Day 2005

Saturday, February 12, 2005

It has been quite a week! Solo announced that the plant would be closing by summer if not before. This hit Allen and I pretty hard at first. But I told him we have to keep pushing, you can't stop here. After we got our good cry over with I encouraged him that maybe this was the good Lord's way of telling us that it is time to move on and purseu other opportunities. Allen has always wanted to have his own restaurant, so we have been doing some traveling and we found the cutest place and country town out east. So, he is working on how to get funding for that. I think it would be the best thing for us to get away from any ties that I have here. I wouldn't be able to do a whole lot. I can't manage the money or cook, but I could be the hostess, bus tables and open a beer or two. I think it will br a great opportunity for us all plus that will give Allen more time with me along with security. I just hope and pray that it all works out. If it is mean't to be, then it will. I seen my psychiatrist on Friday and we talked briefly about my family still being in denial. I told him how they called the TV station and tried to stop the news from going on. The News Reporter actually spoke with him, so she knew that it was my family having the problems and not that the story was a lie. Laura Smith the founder of DASNI and several other message boards and organizations joined my message board this week. I am going to be doing a tribute to her in my final book which I need to find time to work on some more. She is an awesome lady and has quite a story to tell as well.
I talked to Linda, the illustrator for I Remember When and I should have it in hand next week. I am so excited! Allen is at work today and I have alot of housework to catch up to. While at the doctor this week we did talk about my comprehension and perception failing, but my spirit is good. I go back in a month. I think he may be wanting to do another neuro-eval and stage me again.
Well, I think that is about it for now.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Sunday, February 06, 2005

I guess I have a couple of days to catch up here again. Seems like the days go by so fast I can't keep up. I talked to Linda in California yesterday, we talked about our trip that we are planning to take there in March. Austin is really looking forward to it! I think most of all he is looking forward to seeing the ocean. We took him to the Gulf a couple of years ago. It is very nasty, so much industrial stuff going on there, there really isn't a beach. So, this will be a first for him as well as flying. It is raining out and Allen is working, he works tomorrow and then is off for 4 days. I am so glad that he is on days, I like having him home at night. We worked on his valentines for school today, they have their party on Friday. Donna is going home to Illinois on Wednesday and then coming back next week, that is alot of travel for just a few days. I think she is thinking about moving down here and starting a bar/restaurant kind of thing. I know Allen should would like for her to. They are wanting to do something like that together. I told them they could name it DADS (Donna, Allen, Diane) Place. Kind of a catchy name. I am going to make chili for supper, so I guess I need to go get started.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Today has been another long day, seems there is rarely any rest lately. We have been busy getting things ready for Washington and I think we are finally there! I took Austin to the bus and then came back and laid down with Allen and feel asleep until the phone rang at 9 am. It was my friend Kim, I hadn't talked to her in awhile. Then Allen took his sister Donna to town to drop off her truck to get the brakes fixed and they came back and we visited for awhile. I had a phone call from a local newspaper trying to track down my book and got them headed in the right direction, I think. I hosted chat though I was alittle late. We had a great group and Linda was there, I miss her. I don't remember if I said that my neurologist raised the dose of Exelon, I am on the high dose now. He said I am doing well, but declining is to be expected. He is hoping for the next new medication to come out. This evening we went to town and got Austin's car for the pine wood derby race in scouts. He is looking forward to that. I talked to my friend Judy on the phone today. I really miss her too. Well, it is that time again.
Take care and God Bless!

Love Always, Tracy